One Step Back To Forward

Just a couple of days ago this reality was rocked by another senseless mass murder and it’s caused me to take pause and reflect.

One of the distinct personality traits I have is that of an observer, taking in information from all over while in silence and contemplating all the different view points.  With this, I took a couple of days away from a challenge I have out there in the world and it showed me something I hadn’t imagined.


I appreciate that social media allows for the censoring of what shows up on my news feed and I am in awe of the love and support as I scroll. I am also in awe of some posts that are seemingly promoting this as a tragedy, while simultaneously projecting even more hate and violence, to continue to keep it at such a distance, that self reflection continues to stay hidden, missing the point, that something has to change.

It reminds me of myself as a young mother.  I was taught that actions create punishment and THAT punishment was, being “spanked”.  As a young mother, I believed this was the way to parent, the way to teach children, till the day I was “spanking” my son for beating on his brother and it occurred to me.  I am hitting my kid ,while telling him not to hit, and inflicting the same pain onto his body that he was inflicting onto his brothers body, to teach him that hitting wasn’t okay….


  • My intention was to get hm to understand that hurting his bother wasn’t kind.
  • My intention was to love and nurture my child and show him something different than what I had experienced.
  • My intention was to teach them both to grow up to be kind, conscious men.

What I was teaching them was very different.  I was teaching them to do as I say and not as I do.  I was teaching them that violence is the consequence.  I was teaching them that inflicting pain is how you control others, how you get them to do what you want them to do, how you get others to be who you want them to be.

At that time, I didn’t communicate with them as people who could understand, I communicated at them the way I had been communicated at… This is what I require and you will do it or you will be hurt till you do.


After that, I communicated with my children, talked to them about everything to include apologizing to them for being the abusive parent, the controlling parent and for not honoring them as the people they are.  That changed a lot of things as time went on and as I now witness my son as a dad and the lengths he goes to, to communicate with his kids and show them all the different choices and encourage them consider the different outcomes of what they could choose, I am grateful that something changed that day and I woke up to see what I was really creating.


I think of that now in context of this world and I can hear people I know, right now, before this is even published, defending still, the insanity of the battle and not seeing it


I hope that through the events of this week, minds are opened, hearts are opened and a new way of seeing the actions and reactions invoke a new way of being with each other.

Where have you been blinded by beliefs, teachings, experiences and consequences as the way to change anything?

Are you willing to see something different that you have never seen before and create something different by looking deeper than the surface, deeper than the projections, deeper than the judgments, deeper than the way it’s always been or the way it should be?

In the midst of my personal challenge, I found something even more sexy…. Humanity this week…. through the loss of so many, so many more have come forth to say ENOUGH, how many more will it take?



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